How to be a Winner

by Amy on March 2, 2017

Last week I beat a really good tennis player. In straight sets. 6-2, 6-2. If you don’t know tennis, I pretty much kicked her butt.

“Wow, my back was really bothering me today.”

This is all she had to say after the match. I lost to her a few months ago so I’m pretty sure she thought she was going to beat me again this time.

After her back pain comment I immediately discounted my win. In my head, this is where I went:

“Well, if she was having back pain I didn’t really ‘earn’ my win.”

Then the part of me that knows better said…


I beat her precisely because I don’t make excuses when I lose. Back pain, gas, being on my period (BTW I was on my period that day), a cold, it doesn’t matter.


Every time I lose I figure out why. And then I work on the thing I learn so I can do better next time. This is true in tennis and it’s also true in business and in life.

Since losing to her a few months back, I’ve been working shit out. And then I won.

And here’s something else I know BECAUSE of this approach:

I will always have an edge on her and other people like her who make excuses, because I don’t. Focusing on her back pain and telling me about it after the match may have made her feel better about her loss in the moment BUT you know what she did to herself?

She effectively stunted her own growth. That’s what. Don’t take the bait, people. Every excuse you make for your failure cuts you off from winning later. It doesn’t matter how smart, athletic or business savvy you are.

Excuses will always give your opponents an edge over you.

If you lose — in tennis, in business, anywhere in life — quit whining. (I say this with love.) Figure out your responsibility in the loss or failure. Yeah you may have been dealing with back pain or some other equivalent but there is always, ALWAYS, something to learn, a way for you to take responsibility for the loss.

If that sounds scary…

Here’s why you make excuses when you lose or fail:

SHAME. You make failure about your worth as a person. It’s easier to blame it on the weather or your instructor or a case of back pain because, then, you don’t have to feel bad about yourself.

Here’s the thing I want you to get…

Failure is NOT about your worth. You have got to please STOP that. Failure, loss, mistakes, all of it! It’s life! It’s how you learn. It’s how you grow. It’s how you step into your purpose. It’s how you learn how to give back.

The biggest failure is giving up on yourself after a loss. The biggest failure is missing out on the learning opportunity that you get — it’s a gift! — after a loss.


There is nothing special about me. But I am a winner. And I will continue to win because I’m willing to lose so that I can learn from each and every loss. This is why I will always have an edge over people smarter, stronger, better, more charming, richer or more athletic than me.


Got shame? Try Bergamot Essential Oil on the heart.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Virginia Reeves March 2, 2017 at 7:41 pm

First – congratulations Amy on the tennis match. Second, your points are all so valid. Third: my favorite sentence is: The biggest failure is missing out on the learning opportunity that you get — it’s a gift!


Amy March 2, 2017 at 10:18 pm



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